poetic advice

24. No one says 'ere anymore. Neither should you.

poetic advice

68. Stop formatting your poems using Microsoft Comic Sans. Seriously. Stop.

poetic advice

12. Nothing says overwrought poetry like a one word title based on mental/emotional states, the weather, or nature.

poetic advice

100. Using poetry to funnel your emotions is like using a monkey to plunge your toilet. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

poetic advice

76. Nobody cares about the state of your heart. Unless it's being eaten by a zombie.

poetic advice

43. Only Mattie Stepanek could get away with gushy sentimentality and have people praise it for its insight. We were being NICE to a sick kid, okay?

poetic advice

44. Ellipses do not make your poetry deep . . . man.

poetic advice

97. Make sure your occasional poem has an expiration date.

poetic advice

81. I before E except after C unless you write flarf, in which case, knock yourself out.

poetic advice

37. Never edit a literary journal if you expect to find time to write.

poetic advice

11. Ignore anything an editor says that doesn't directly improve the work itself. See #5.

A List of Poems I Will Automagically Reject

1. Anything about the state of your or someone else's soul, spirit, etc.
2. Sex poems that are only about sex or the lack thereof.
3. Poems about sex with your or someone else's soul, spirit, etc.
4. Homages to a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other.
5. Homages to a dead rock star.
6. Poems about having sex with a dead rock star.
7. Poems that are merely prose with line breaks.
8. Poems about how living with your mother drives you crazy.
9. Poems about having sex with Satan.
10. Poems about your mother having sex with Satan.
11. Anything reliant on adjectives.
12. Anything centered.
13. Lists of clichéd rhetorical questions about love.
14. Poems not written/translated in English (sorry, that's my native tongue).
15. Poems which peak way too soon.
16. Poems which are too obvious.
17. Poems which are only about the act of writing (way too meta)
18. Poems about shampoo. Not that I have anything against shampoo, but all that rising and repeating . . .
19. Anything marked "©" or "Copyright 200x". Like our culture truly values poetry.
20. Anything attempting to be "cute" in a Hello Kitty way. 
21. Hentai poetry.  No foolin'.